Eavesdropping 2
by Chapin CSI
Summary: A Christmas story full of misunderstandings! GSR at the end.
1. Default Chapter

Thanks for all the kind reviews I got for Eavesdropping! 

Here's another tale…

EAVESDROPPING 2

Greg was upset. 

'Old age is a bitch' he thought bitterly  'I used to work two shifts in a row with only coffee to keep me going and …' he yawned '…now it's only two in the morning and I already feel like I'll need a whole week to recover.  What will I do when I'm as old as Brass?'

He needed more coffee but he'd emptied his own thermos long ago; he'd have to raid the plebeian's stash in the break room.  With a final look at his overflowing "to do" tray, he left the lab.

**

'This is odd' thought Greg when he saw that the shades in the break room were down. 'And the door is closed!  Come on, I need some coffee…' He was about to try the doorknob when he heard some faint voices coming from within.

" (mumble, mumble) rub over…"

"...Like this?"

Catherine and Grissom. 'Oh, damn,' thought Greg 'I'll have to come later; no way am I letting them know I drink their cheap brew'.  But it was weird that these two would be in there with the shades down- Unless…

Greg smiled and pressed his ear to the door.

"(mumble) … I'm ready" 

"Without protection?" asked Grissom, sounding a bit severe

"You're clean, aren't you?"

"Well, yeah, and I want to stay that way, thank you very much"

"Fine, fine, do it your way.  (mumble) not like that, Gil! Like this-" 

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am"  Catherine said impatiently "Look, how many times have you done this?"

"Plenty of times!" Grissom replied, a bit peeved

"I mean lately, Grissom," challenged Catherine  "I mean," she added pointedly "with someone else"

"Oh. Well " Grissom hesitated "(mumble, mumble) just paid for it"

"See? We'll do it my way, then" there were some slapping sounds that Greg couldn't identify "Now tell me, Gil" she coaxed "Do you like this?…"

"Mmmmh!"

"Ah, ha! " Catherine sounded pleased "... And this?"

"Mmmmh, mmmmh!" Grissom hummed delightedly

'My God', thought Greg, 'I can't believe these two are doing this in there! Ewww, they could have used other places, like the closet at the end of the hall, or the old lab-'

Catherine's voice interrupted Greg's thoughts.

"…Ah? Ah? You loved it, didn't you?" She sounded terribly smug "now, put it in-"

"What?" Grissom hesitated

"PUT IT IN!"

"But…Just like that?"

"Griss, may I remind you where we are? We aren't at my place-"

"Well no, but-"

"I mean, anybody could walk in at any minute and we don't want them to know, do we? It would spoil everything. Sara would be pissed-"

"Yes, but…"

"But nothing! We need to hurry!"

"Oh, all right! What do I do then?"

Greg shook his head, sadly 'Oh, Grissom, I can't believe you need instructions!!'  

"First, let me feel (mumble)… Oh, this is so hot!"  Catherine moaned

"As hot as you wanted" replied Grissom, sounding very proud of himself

"All right then, do it"

"Ok. I'll... Um…  Er.  Catherine?  I'll need help"

'Grissom!' Greg wanted to go in and shake his boss 'Come on, man!'

"Oh, ok," Catherine said patiently, and Greg heard some rubbing sounds "Here we go…"

"Wait, Catherine! I don't think it'll fit"

"What? Oh, come on! Let me see... It's too big, Grissom!" Catherine protested

"But you were happy when I showed it to you!"

"Well of course I was, I mean, who wouldn't?  What do we do... what do we do...? I know! Give me that.  I'll grease it up a little"

'Ooooh, kinky' whispered Greg, feeling a little guilty; he was acting like a teenager, for God's sake.  

"Ready, Gil? We'll do it on a count of three-"

'Oh, come on,' thought Greg, 'these two know nothing about romance!'

"One..." Catherine started "Two.... Threeeee-!" Catherine  grunted as though making a great effort "-eeeeeh…!" she howled 

"Oh, God, it's..." Grissom panted "Almost... almost… there-"

Greg was sweating now 'Oh, my God'

"Just push, Gil!" encouraged Catherine  "Do it, do it…Now, NOW.... YESSS!

"YES!" gasped Grissom and there were all kind of metallic sounds, and Greg wondered what sort of kinky stuff an entomologist might come up with.  After all, to impress Catherine one should have to be inventive…

"Gil," whispered Catherine "…are you all right?"

"Well… I think the skin's torn-"

"Greg?" Nick tapped Greg on the shoulder "What's up?" 

"JEEZEE!" Greg jumped "MAN, DON'T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!

"Whoa, what's the matter with you?  What are you doing here? Hey, do you have my results?"

"Yeah, yeah" Greg was evasive "I'll have them ready, just...just not now!" Greg moaned, fleeing down the hall.

"Hey, Greg? Where are you going?" Nick followed his friend "… And why are you walking funny?"

Meanwhile, in the break room, Catherine was washing up.

"Ugh, my hands are all greasy!"

"I told you to use protection," said Grissom, smugly taking off his latex gloves.

"Yeah, yeah, Mr. Clean.  How's the skin?"

"It'll be ok.  I'll just cover it"

Catherine dried her hands and leant on the counter "So, Grissom, do you admit this was a good idea?"

"Yes, I do.  In fact, I think I'll do it again"

"Oh? No more paying for it, then?"

"Oh, well, that depends, you know.  Sometimes it's great to just sit back and have someone else do the job"

Catherine smiled indulgently  "Have it your way. Now, did you really set the oven like I told you? I think it's too hot"

"Look for yourself, Ms. Willows.  But we'll need help to take that turkey out, you know.  It's too big, your pan is too heavy, and with all that stuffing-"

"I'll ask Warrick.  I'll tell him at the last minute, so it doesn't spoil the surprise. Meanwhile, I'll go down the deli to order enough gravy for 20 people; oh, and a salad for Ms. Sara-I-am-a-Vegetarian-Sidle -"

"…I'll take any cases that come up…"

"…Right, and I'll keep an eye on our New Year's Eve meal.  Even if the skin's torn, this turkey will taste great"

"Now, can I have some more of that great stuffing you prepared?"

"Sure, Gil.  Here you go-"

"Mmmmmmh!"


	2. Chapter two

Greg couldn't concentrate on his job. He was still mad and couldn't do anything about it.  

It had been a weird day to say the least.  First he had listened to Grissom and Catherine doing... God knows what.   

Then he'd told Nick, which turned out to be a huge mistake.  At the time he'd had a good laugh, though; it was fun to see Nick's expression go from incredulous to hurt.

"Oh, no, man, not them!  Those two are professionals, they'd never-"

"Nick, Nick " Greg had said in his most condescending tone "They are only human; they're entitled to have a little fun sometimes"

"But not here!" Nick insisted "Look, are you sure?"

"Nick, I'm not deaf, ok? I heard what I heard.  We can always swab the room later if you want-"

"Ew, man, no way am I entering that place again! I wish you hadn't told me-"

And Greg had laughed and laughed as Nick acted like a kid who discovers Santa Claus doesn't exist.  

That night,  Greg found Nick waiting for him. He would never forget Nick's expression as he explained that their boss had been cooking a turkey, not a storm in the break room.  Greg resisted.  Even when Catherine announced dinner, he still didn't believe he'd misunderstood.  

But when he saw the turkey -torn skin and all- he gaped and flushed.  It had been an honest mistake but one that Nick would never forget.  

"I got you, Greg." Nick smiled "One word from me and those two find out what you told me"

"Come on, man, don't do that! Grissom's my boss!" Damn, he hated feeling like a little truant boy.

"Well, Greg, I guess my DNA swabs will be given priority from now on, then" Nick smiled "Right?"

"Ok, ok, just don't say anything!"

Nick accepted.

So, they all sat for a dinner of turkey and vegetables.  Grissom, Catherine, Sara, Nick, Doc Robbins, Jacqui, and Brass were all happy to share a meal. Greg thought it was really nice, even with Nick the Extorsionist by his side 

Then, just as Catherine stood to help Grissom with the carving, things got weird.

Out of nowhere, Brass commented  "Nice breast, Catherine!"

Greg snorted and looked around, expecting everybody to at least smirk but nobody noticed anything.  Catherine simply smiled and said, "Yeah, it's firm and juicy" 

Then, when they were passing the vegetables Sara exclaimed "Oh, my, Grissom, your zucchini's so big!" which was no big deal, except that she seemed to be looking at Grissom's lap, not at his plate.

"Hey, girl, mine's bigger," protested Warrick. And nobody laughed or smirked, while Greg wondered if only he was getting the double entendres around here.

"Kids, kids, it's not the size that matters " said Robbins very seriously.   "It's what you do with it.  Look at me"

"Ooooh...  wow, Doc" purred Sara.  At least, it sounded like a purr to Greg.  The poor guy looked timidly at the Doc, who was simply spreading a little butter on his zucchini.  Wondering why his mind was always in the gutter, Greg turned to his own plate but first he noticed that Nick was keeping an eye on him, barely containing his laughter.  Damn!

He barely touched his dinner while everybody kept saying things that only he seemed to find inappropriate.

And just as he decided to just enjoy his meal, Warrick took a breadstick, dipped it in gravy and offered it to Sara

"Try a taste of this, Sara"

"Oh…. Mmmmh" she moaned, and when Greg saw what she was doing to that innocent breadstick still held in Warrick's hand, he started choking.

"Greg, honey, is everything ok?"   Catherine asked, very concerned, "You've hardly touched your meat"

"Oh, he has, Catherine, believe me" smirked Nick, patting Greg's back. "Over and over…"

It was more than Greg could take.  He pushed away his plate and stood up, muttering something about having work to do.  

"I'll pack your leftovers, Greg"  Catherine offered "Don't worry, I'll keep them hot in my box-"

Greg fled to his lab.

And then, just as he thought the day couldn't get any worse,  Jacqui had come by to tell him that his little secret had been discovered that morning.

"Nick told Warrick, who then told Catherine..." she barely contained her laughter "Who, in turn, told everybody else!"

"So they knew all along? THEY KNEW?"

"Of course they knew, Greg! Do you think they talk like that all the time? And you were redder than the cranberry sauce!" she laughed evilly "My, you're such a prude at heart!  You looked so indignant when Sara sucked that breadstick-"

"I can't believe they'd do this! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" Greg growled as Jacqui waved goodbye "Damn, damn!" he hissed, frustrated that he couldn't punch the walls.

Greg kept his back to the door and the entire world, mad at everybody but mostly at Nick.  

'He will pay, damn it!' he promised himself

In fact, he decided to start his revenge by taking a nap.  'See if I care about his DNA and his swabs and ...' he muttered vindictively, slamming the door and storming to the supplies room, where he kept a blanket.

He was getting comfortable behind a cabinet when someone opened and closed the door and turned on the lights.

"We need gloves, cotton swabs..." That was Grissom

"I need more than that..." That was Sara, sounding as though she had a cold.

"Not here" replied Grissom sounding alarmed

"Aw, why not..." there was a pause and then Sara added "Please…?"

"… Oh.  Ok" relented Grissom  "Hey, by the way; I almost choked when you looked at my zucchini-"

"Well, I had to.  I love looking at it. I'm becoming an expert…"

"Are you?" moaned Grissom 

'"…For instance" Sara continued "I know when a zucchini's good enough to eat…"

Grissom stifled a laugh.  

 'Oh, for God's sake' thought Greg, shaking his head disgustedly

"I respect your expertise" Grissom said smugly.  Then after some rustling sounds, he added sounding like he had a cold too "Though I know a thing or two about melons, myself…"

Greg rolled his eyes when he heard Sara giggle. 

"Do you like mine?" she whispered

"Yeah"  Grissom said enthusiastically  "Mmmmh… they're so sweet, so firm- "

"ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Screamed Greg, crawling out of his hiding place "I LEARNED MY LESSON, OK? I GOT IT! I'M NOT FALLING FOR IT ANYMORE!"

If Greg hadn't been so busy throwing his blanket away and pushing the cabinet back to its place, he would have noticed how Grissom and Sara had jumped apart.  If he had been less upset at being discovered at his secret place, he would have noticed the flushed faces and gaping mouths; or noticed the way Sara was hurriedly buttoning her blouse.

Perhaps he would have wondered why Grissom was clutching a bag of gloves against his belly...

"I can't believe it Grissom!" Greg accused almost hysterically "You of all people, making these jokes!"

"…Greg-" warned Grissom

"Yeah, yeah,  I know I made a mistake about you and Catherine and that damn turkey! Who wouldn't? I only heard something and I misunderstood! But what you did at dinner…!  Ok, all right, it was a joke, no problem, I can take a joke, but THIS is too much!"  Then he rolled his eyes "Not that I was falling for your little charade! Zucchinis and melons! Please! You  two suck at this! You lack subtlety!" Suddenly he seemed to remember he was insulting his boss and hurriedly added "And I'm very busy!" He picked up his blanket and left, slamming the door.

It wasn't until then that Sara closed her mouth and breathed again.

"Oh-my-God!" she moaned

"Yeah…" moaned Grissom back

"Grissom?" she couldn't even look at him right now "Let's continue this talk later, ok?"

"Yeah. My place?  It's closer"


End file.
